broomcloset ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being dragged from the broom closet So I'm going off to the wild, wonderful Wic-Can Fest 2001 in just under two weeks (YIPPEEEE!) and I'm making plans with PaganGrrl, filling my Mom in on a few small details, trying to figure out how and what I'm going to tell my Dad, etc... ... when my Mom lets it slip to Dad that I'm going camping in a couple of weeks and why doesn't he ask me about it? *growl* Now, Mom knows I'm not open about my beliefs to just anyone and at the moment that includes my Dad. (In fact, I'm not completely open with her, either, and that seems to be a good thing these days.) She has wanted me to tell Dad about my fest-going activities for awhile now, and I keep telling her I'm not ready. You know why? Because I'm not ready! But no no, this seems to matter to her less and less as time goes on. If she feels I need to tell him, then I should, and "you shouldn't lie to your father." Just because she's ready for him to know (i.e. she doesn't want to be responsible for any slip ups she might make) doesn't mean I can just waltz right out of my broom closet and say "hey Dad, I'm a Witch!" What's that going to do to his poor Christian heart? Don't I have the right to think about the way I want to tell him, or whether or not I want to tell him at all?!? Okay, you can obviously see that I'm angry here. I feel like I'm on the verge of a betrayal and I'm not sure what to do now. I talked to my Mom today about this latest situation. She is of course not happy that I didn't fill in Dad about where I'm really going when I say I'm "going camping" with PaganGrrl. I told her that I didn't even get the chance to decide how I was going to tell him, so when he sat down beside me a few days ago and says "your Mom tells me that you're going camping" I had nothing prepared! I was surprised because I hadn't even told him about "camping" yet. "Oh," says Mom, "I didn't realize you hadn't told him that." Well, let's try not to assume, Mom, okay? In short, Mom didn't feel she had done anything wrong in spilling my news to Dad and didn't think I had the right to be even a little miffed at her for doing so. She said she didn't realize she was betraying a confidence. Oohhhh, so all the times we talked about this exact issue and about how I needed to tell Dad in my own time somehow did not apply to this specific situation; that the way I felt had suddenly changed and, even though I had never told her otherwise, it was now okay to tell the Dad a few things before I did?! I am truly sorry if I am over reacting here. It's just that I think I have a right to stay in my broom closet if I so desire. When it comes to my personal spiritual beliefs, I have the right to tell whom I want, what I want, when I want. I will not be pushed out of the broom closet, damn it!! If I need to take it slow, then I will take it slow! I guess that, up until now, I thought taking small, careful steps out of the broom closet would keep me relatively safe and pain-free. I honestly didn't expect someone, least of all my own Mom, to try and drag me out because of their own agenda. So what am I to do? Because of what my Mother's already said, I need to tell my Dad something. Just what that something is.. I'm not sure. But unfortunately for me, it's got to be fast. :( -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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