broomcloset ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chicken Wiccan Yep, I think this is a good description of me: "Chicken Wiccan". I firmly believe that the Wiccan path is the spiritual path I should be on (perhaps combined with Unitarianism). My problem? I'm nervous about practicing. Practicing what, you ask? Practicing everything, and anything. I'm nervous about doing simple devotions. I'm nervous about doing protection spells or house blessings. And I'm afraid to celebrate the Sabbats. This is not good for someone who feels the strong need to align with the Goddess! Now, I have done these things before, but never alone. This is the big kicker. I'm nervous about practicing alone. I also can't decide if I'm afraid that something won't happen, or that something will happen. I've sampled a small bit of my own personal power before, and I'm thinking it could be quite great. Now, this shouldn't surprise me because I am always encouraging women to tap into their own personal power, which I tell them is abundant. So why shouldn't mine be as well? Well... The smallest group I have worked in was a group of two. ("So why's that so different from one?" you ask?) This past Beltane my wonderful friend, PaganGrrl, and I held our own celebration when the plans with a Circle fell through. It was amazing! We both felt the ritual was wonderful, and we came out of it feeling very connected to the Goddess. (at least I did, perhaps I should ask PaganGrrl again!) At one point in the ritual we were raising power with a chant: Air I am, Now, from the first time I read this chant in Book of Shadows (see author's link below), I have found this to be a very powerful chant for me. I just have to say it in my mind and I immediately feel my insides shift! So as we said this chant, power was raised very quickly and with a lot of strength. After we finished the ritual, PaganGrrl told me that she was actually holding me down as we chanted, that she felt me moving up! I knew I felt lighter during the chant, but I had no idea that she'd be able to feel that too! So what if I'm doing a ritual by myself and I end up on the ceiling, not being able to get down?? (anyone seen "Mary Poppins?") Of course this doesn't make any logical sense, but my nervousness is still there - not about hitting the ceiling, but about something big happening. If I continue to shy away from things that may bring me closer to the unknown and potentially life-changing, the safer I'll feel. Because if some thing big happens, then I'll have no choice but to believe, right? But I want to believe! I want to meet the Goddess face to face and feel in awe, in love, and in terror all at once! I want that big thing!! And yet I'm afraid of it. *sigh* I really need to take some lessons from PaganGrrl. Her approach is "practice! practice! Wheeeeee!!!" :) And it's wonderful. Practicing with her has been amazing, and I'm loving how we've grown together. I've certainly learned a whole lot from her. My approach is "read, read, read everything you can get your hands on!!" I've amassed a nice sized library in the past four years. And I've read it all. But practiced? Uuuuhhh, maybe I need another book... So how do I get over these fears? How do I beat my own Inertia, currently keeping me oh-so-stationary, and get moving? How do I keep myself from buying more books to bury (i.e. hide) myself in?? How do I change from a chicken into a hawk, or an eagle, or ... a hummingbird? *doublesigh* Do have ideas on battling fear and inertia? I'm always looking for feedback! Contact me by slipping a note under the Broom Closet door, or tack up a note. Happy Summer Solstice, everyone! BB ___________ Here's an interesting article by the fabulous Wiccan lawyer/author/priestess Phyllis Curott. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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