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Okay, this posting is for you, Nuah. I'm going to be writing some things that other folks here may vehemently disagree with. I want you to know that I'm only sharing my personal feelings and opinions here and not "the right way" to think about or approach this problem.
Note to everyone else: If you would like to discuss pornography as a topic, let's start a thread in The Political Pagan forum. This thread is for Nuah and I'm going to try and keep it that way. If you take offence at anything I say, we can discuss it in another forum. Thanks!
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Nuah:
The first thing I want you to know is that you have every right to feel the way you do. Whether your feelings are from personal insecurities or educated feelings and opinions about this situation is beyond the point. You have a right to feel uncomfortable and upset about your husband's porn habit. PERIOD.
The next thing that I want you to know is that you are the expert in this situation. You are the one who can best decide what is best for you and your child. Asking for advice can be helpful, but remember that ultimately you have the decision-making power. No one else can or should do it for you, including your husband.
Third thing is this: you are not, have never been, and never will be responsible for the actions and choices of others. You are not responsible for your husband's addiction to pornography (and I'm not going to split hairs here - I believe your husband is addicted to porn and has an extremely serious problem). You are not responsible for any self-harm or harm of others that your husband commits. You are not responsible for the success or fail of your husband's military career. If he fails, it is his own responsibility for that failure. You are only responsible for your actions, your choices. PERIOD.
Okay, now that that's out of the way , here are a few very opinionated statements:
* If you feel that your husband's porn habit is a problem, then it is. It's a problem because it is coming between you and him and unstabling your relationship. If he gets angry and defensive it is because he knows he is doing something wrong, yet he is trying to justify it by making you feel unattractive and insecure, trying to make you out to be the bad guy. You aren't.
* You know what kind of lifestyle is right for you. If pornography, live sex chats, swingers groups and other things kinky are not for you, then you have every right to not take part in those activities. You have the right to remove yourself from environments and activities that degrade women and men and devalue sexuality. This is your right.
* Now this is a hard point for me to make, but here it goes: Your husband does have the right to participate in publicly available "services" that represent everything you despise. Unfortunate, but true if you believe that everyone has the right to make their own decisions.
* You have a right to choose who you are with and what kind of relationships you want. If you want a man who loves you and respects you in mind, body and soul, then you have the right to go out and find one! If you husband does not fit this description (and honey, I really don't think he does) then you have the right to choose someone else who can provide you with the relationship you want and deserve.
* Bribes never work. All they teach the one being bribed is that you can be manipulated to get what they want. Your husband will soon learn how to "cheat the system" and get his PS2 game and his porn too. If he doesn't respect your desires now, buying him PS2 games just won't do it for him either.
* Just a question: Do you reeeeeally want 2 two year olds? LOL!!
* If you don't like porn, then you don't have to tolerate porn!! Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are the one with the problem. If you are feeling "insecure" about your hubby's porn addiction it is because you know that this situation is wrong for you. IMHO, it is NOT insecurity you are feeling; it is your intuition telling you that this pornography thing is wrong for you.
Wow, I guess I've said enough for one post, huh? I'm sooooo sorry dear if I've overloaded you - I'm passionate about some things and pornography is one of them.
If you ever need to talk about anything, bounce some ideas off of someone, etc. then pleeeeease pm me!! I can not promise to be impartial (as I'm sure you've guessed! ) but I can promise you that I'm on your side and the side of your child.
I'll be praying for you, Nuah. You won't be far from my thoughts.
May the Goddess bless you and your child and give you all that you need. Blessed Be.
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If anyone wants to comment on anything I've said here (the loudmouth that I am! ) then please quote me but place the post in The Political Pagan forum. Thanks!!
Wyrdsister
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