broomcloset ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know it's out there *sigh* I'm still afraid. What the heck am I doing to do to get over this fear? (of what?) Of myself, of my own power, of the Goddess's power, of the power of the Universe... In short: I'm afraid that magick is real. Why? Because if magick is real, that means that my life will have to change drastically. I will be forced to think about the Universe, the world, myself, in a completely different way. "Reality" would be proved to be something else, something other than what I've lived with my whole life. I would be forced to be more honest - with others and with myself - than I have ever been before. Ever. And how would I handle that? What would happen? There are so many unknowns! The unknown is scary!! I don't have enough faith in myself to stand up to the unknown!!! So I consider the alternative: that magick is not real. That would mean that: ... there is no Universe, in the spiritual sense ... there is no Goddess, in any guise ... there is no personal power, or personal reality ... ... that none of us have any power to change "reality" ... ... and none of us will ever make a difference. Ever. This is why we need magick. This is we turn to faith - faith in anything. This is why we have the deep-seated throbbing yearning for something ... something more. We know it's there, whatever IT is. We feel it. It's out there. It's around us and in us. It is fundamental. It calls us. We just need to be brave enough to call back. Are we? Am I? ... *sigh* -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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